The two-for-one naked photo shoot
2 months ago
egg yolk eyebrow growthYes, well. I meant it rather more metaphorically.
being in loveYou poor, poor little babies. Are you googling your symptoms? Not even google can help you. And to the person who was looking for a Gem and the Holograms t-shirt? Yeah. I was more of a Masters of the Universe girl myself.
anal horsNot that it's any consolation really, but I assure you the d'oeuvres are good too.
Peter came to the rescue with what might have been a young flag of truce.Lovely.
Dude who shot House: I don't want to argue about semantics.Fuck. Genius. Heads up, people. I am going to steal this line shamelessly at the very first philosophically relevant opportunity. So much the worse for any poor dolt who doesn't already worship at the House altar. Eat my bon mot-laced dust, purists with no TV!
House: You anti-semantic bastard.
Q: What's red and invisible?I love this joke. It is a pretty decent distillation of the kind of thing I find funny -- a happy meeting of the absurd, a slighty giddy mismatch with everyday assumptions and a kind of ruthless internal logic. But it also struck me as a miniature story of Xtin's Everyday at the moment -- and best of all, a teeny-tiny story with a wee message of hope for Xtin! Good lord, a joke that doubles as an After School Special. But we all know how much I loves me a metaphor. Or three.
A: No tomatoes.
(1) Nothing is better than true happiness.Heh. Good one. Anyway, the thing that's wrong here is the same thing that makes the No Tomato Joke work. My life is full of metaphorical not-tomatoes right now. It gives me a spark of glee to think that there is a glimmer of humour in it.
(2) A peanut butter sandwich is better than nothing.
Conclusion: A peanut butter sandwich is better than true happiness.
Yo [name of my department]-phds!!!All the time, dude. All the time.
A Genuine Univers1ty Degree 1n 4-6 weeks!
Have you ever thought that the only thing stopping you from a great job and better pay was a few letters behind you name?
"pink spider" poetic analysisThe first of these landed my post on the Swedish overachiever from hell. Genius. Bostrom is now codenamed Pink Spider.
basketmaker's related injuries
mini-razor northwestI'm sure Roger Thornhill would know exactly where you could get one of those.
Be of good courage.
Hold fast to that which is good.
Render to no one evil for evil.
Strengthen the fainthearted.
Support the weak.
Help the afflicted.
Honor all people.
Xtin: [holding the sweet peas to her nose] MmmmMMMmmm. Hey! They smell like peas! Only kind of sweet!
Housemate Extraordinarie: [cocks eyebrow]
Xtin: Uh ... yeah, um. Of course.
Q: What do Australians dial in an emergency?
There are hundreds of omega-oil supplements for children. But only one is called Eye Q.Huh? Seriously?
If HM The Queen were to offer you a knighthood, would you be so good as to accept?If so, bring on the red cushion. If not, everyone backs away with dignity and good grace. Or something. Philosophers, on the other hand, do not love subjunctive conditionals because they allow everyone to save face. Heaven forfend. It is because they are devious little bastards. The philosophers, I mean. Well, the conditionals too, for that matter. You'll notice, dear reader, that nothing about our little knighthood sentence says that anyone is going to offer you a knighthood. It's as airily hypothetical as your post-prandial port-soaked musings about what you'd do with a billion pounds.
At a recent meeting of the [selection committee] it was agreed to recommend to the [board] that you be [given a very cool job]. If the [board] agrees to this proposal would you be willing to accept?
Dr E: Well... I'd only been planning to mark translations, so I'm sure there must be some way around that... My place at 8?
Dr T: Super! Division of labour is surely the answer. Two of us can eat the sausage while the other two mark translations. Then we can swap.
Pluvialis: But academia, philosophy, aesthetics and sausages are all the same thing. There's a great quote, I think from Escoffier, which I've never been able to forget:
"The appearance of a hot sausage with its salad of potatoes in oil can leave nobody indifferent ... it is pure, it precludes all sentimentality, it is the Truth."
Dr T: Did you make that quotation up? It's wonderful! (Btw, I had always idiotically assumed the word "scoff", used to mean grub, food etc, came from a corruption of "Escoffier". It doesn't, alas.)
Pluvialis: No, it's absolutely hand on heart true. Elizabeth David quotes it in one of her books.
[some minutes pass]
Dr T: Zounds! It's written about THE VERY SAUSAGE we propose to consume! (It
turns out to be Francis Amunategui, writing of "Saucisson Chaud a la Lyonnaise" quoted on p. 228 of French Provincial Cooking)
Anal academic? Me?
Dr E: Seigneur! I'm going to bring all of this into my supervision on Rabelais.
Dr T: Elizabeth David herself says this of La Cuisine Lyonnaise:
"...when one actually reaches this fountain-head of French provincial cookery one is conscious of the sense of anticlimax."
Oh no! Is the sausage rubbish??? But wait...
"Of the renowned charcuterie, only one product, the cervelas truffé comes up to expectations. This is a large, lightly cured pork sausage, liberally truffled, which may be eaten sliced as an hors-d'oeuvre, or poached and served with potatoes, or even used whole as a stuffing for a piece of boned and rolled meat."
Only one product! And that product will, with any luck, be safely nestled in our tummies by about 9pm.
[A pause of ten minutes]
Dr T: Ignore everything I have written. On closer inspection there are NO TRUFFLES in our sausage. Merde!
Pluvialis: Oh well, we'll have to look forward to a slightly sentimental, impure, and approximately True evening, instead.
Dr T: It's not all bad news. We will indeed be eating the simpler sausage Amunatégui refers to, but it's not the cervelas truffé that ED gets especially excited about. ED isn't too snooty about our one, but I can't help thinking this isn't entirely fulsome praise:
"Given a good sausage and well-seasoned potatoes, it is a most delicious dish, which will not be despised by the most fastidious."
Pluvialis: Is not ED saying "will not be despised by the most fastidious" rather like Ernest Shackleton saying "it's a little less than warm, don't you think?" while on the Endeavour?
I am looking forward to the sausage. From ED's description, it also sounds like the kind of thing Poirot would stuff his face with (not in front of Hastings or Miss Lemon, of course).