Saturday, June 02, 2007


Of course I think nothing is simple. Or perhaps that complex things are simple and that simple things are not at all simple. No good is just good, and no bad is just bad. The world is dappled, and drawn with pencil-hatching, and lit like a sphere which gleams from some angles and is dark from others, has sharp edges when you touch it and blurry ones when you are up too close. No real lines; an endless series of matters of degree, fuzzy logic, things melting into other things, everything continuous.

But not lately.

Grief like hot wires. Everything made up of instants, a pair of shoes, a wild thing seen, a cup broken, a fleeting smile. Yesterday I heard something wonderful, and it was like a brilliant, shearing knife-edge of light a micron across, pouring between blast doors black and featureless and for a magical, vertiginous split-second, invisible.

Last night, a hair on my pillow that was half grey and brittle, and half one of the usual odd mosaic of tree-like colours. A moment, right in the middle, like a fretmark in a wingfeather. A lost instant ... what happened? This morning, a collared dove took off holding a lime twig carefully at its centre of gravity, a spindly charcoal-coloured line against a warming sky, to a collection somewhere of twig pencil-hatching.

In the dark I find lines -- the edges of things, something to hold onto, the crack of light that tells you where the door is.


Heidi the Hick said...

It's not right that there are no comments on this yet, because this is beautiful.

Sadly, I am not sure what to say...

Xtin said...

Heidi, thank you.

I was thinking recently about how I often think things are beautiful, but I don't say anything, because it seems silly or not especially interesting to say "that's beautiful".

But of course, it isn't at all -- it's an act of love and appreciation and god, I really, really appreciate it.

So thank you.

Heidi the Hick said...

Well you are so welcome. Anytime.

We could start up a mutual admiration society but we'd probably just sit around going, "Man, we are like, so full of ourselves," so we'll have to just thank each other in the comments section.

(I did read Stealing Beauty. Notice that I couldn't come up with a comment then...)

Xtin said...

We could start up a mutual admiration society but we'd probably just sit around going, "Man, we are like, so full of ourselves," ...

But we wouldn't be full of ourselves, don't you see, we'd be full of each other. That's what makes mutual appreciation so brilliant: neatly sidesteps the puffed-up-self issue. I think it's a brilliant idea. Consider the society founded.