In sickness and in health
3 months ago
Sometimes you can get out of a hist. lesson by SEMING ILL. Pinch some flour from the kitchen if molesworth 2 hav not eaten it and rub well into face. After ten minits hold the brow and groan. The hist. master stops in the middle of agincourt:In his great wisdom, molesworth notes that this strategy has the following drawback:
'Thou semest pale, molesworth 1. Is ort the mater? Come, youth, impart what ails thee.'
(Note: Hist. masters always talk like ivanhoe, blak arow etc.)
'No really sir I am quite alright.'
'Zounds it semeth thou hast the plague, good skolar.'
(You talk like that too it is catching).
'But tis most remarkable i trow. Hi ye to matronnes room for a phial of phisick.'
'Nay nay sir no witches brew from yon crone shall ever pass my lips.'
'But thy eye is bright with fever thou shakest with palsy and would seem to have the ague. Tis surely the king's evil.'
... if the hist. master go on long enuff you begin to believe that death is really upon you. You hav something wrong with your heart which hav stoped beating: your jaw is stuck open and you canot close it also you are going blind. On the whole it is beter to put up with the hist. lesson and draw beetles on the blotch quietly ...Amen, my prep school hero. Pardon me while I procure a phial of phisick and find my beetle pen.
One pound twenty-five pence. [Hands the 5p] One pound thirty, [hands the 20p] one pound fifty, [hands the 50p] two pounds, [hands the £1s] three, four, five pounds. Thank you.
Three-twenty-five. Ten pounds. [reads the cash register output] Six pounds seventy-five change. [Collects the 75p from the till and puts in palm. Collects fiver from till. Tears off the receipt and sandwiches it with the fiver between thumb and forefinger.] Thank you.
... he heard his father say to his mother in the next room, 'Darling, it is no use. The market has gone all to pieces. We have hardly any money left. I'm afraid we must sell the house.'
"... a shirt, two vests, one pair of pyjamas, two pairs of socks, a spare pair of shoes, flannel, soap, toothbrush and toothpaste."
I can, of course, make gods for you, too,
But you can make them for yourselves,
And worship them
Deplorably, endowing them
With inhuman powers. Superior beings
Daft as spacemen.